What emotions are normal to feel?
“Traumas” are defined as any distressing life event that leaves you feeling overwhelmed and unable to cope with or manage your emotions. When you experience a trauma in your life, you can feel like you are riding an emotional rollercoaster. While we can automatically think of what are often referred to as “Big T Traumas” such as the loss of a loved one, a sexual assault, natural disaster or experiencing combat and war, “Little t Traumas” such as emotional abuse, harassment, loss of important relationships or financial stress, can have us riding the same emotional ride of various feelings in the span of a day or even minute by minute.
We can find ourselves surprised by both the emotions we are feeling and the breadth of reactions to the pain we endure. In any given moment, you may experience one or multiple of the following responses to your trauma:
Shock/numbness: Often a grace, especially in those first moments after your trauma, you can find yourself feeling shock and numb. In some ways, this is a protective measure God has given so that you don’t feel the full extent of your pain in a single moment.
Sadness/grief: A common response to any sort of loss or difficulty, you can find your heart broken and a deep sense of mourning and sorrow. This feeling can even impact you physically, causing pain and even illness in your body due to grief’s role in suppressing your immune system.
Depression: While sadness is a typical response in any sort of trauma, when that sadness persists and is met with an underlying feeling of hopelessness, depression can ensue. It can make you feel as if your current pain is permanent and will never dissipate.
Anger: Anger can be a common reaction to trauma and one that can catch you off guard as you wrestle through your hurt. You can find yourself angry with yourself, someone else or even God.
Guilt: Traumas often come with the question, What if? As we replay the scenarios we have endured, we can find ourselves wondering how we could have prevented the pain we now find ourselves in.
Overwhelm: When we have experienced an already overwhelming life event, it can be hard to regain the same emotional capacity we once had. Everyday tasks can feel impossible and the menial To Do’s require more energy than before.
Helplessness: Because trauma is born out of a sensation of being helpless in a moment, we can begin to feel out of control in other areas of our lives as well. It can be hard to determine where we have agency in our lives.
Fear/anxiety: Perhaps one of the most common emotional responses to trauma, fear and anxiety can be crippling and debilitating as we begin to think of else could happen. Fears of the unknown in the future can lead us to hyper focusing on things that we think we can control in the here and now.
Avoidance: When pain is overwhelming, many of us would rather not deal or even acknowledge the pain so we choose to escape, numb or distract ourselves from what we are feeling.
Doubt: As the dust settles on our worst days, we can start to wonder if anyone actually cares about what has happened to us. It can send our faith and relationship with God into a tailspin as we try to reconcile our pain with His plan. We can start to doubt ourselves, feeling insecure and lacking confidence in what we once felt competent in.
So what do we do in the middle of the emotional roller coaster that follows the most painful parts of our stories? While the answer for everyone is as unique as our different pains, there are a few steps we can take to help find peace in the midst of our emotional pain:
1. Learn to lament
Scripture is full of examples of people enduring great traumas. People like the Psalmist David and Job experienced horrific pains in their lives and while there were many circumstances that did not change in their lives, they practiced the Biblical pattern of lament. Lament is simply honestly expressing our feelings to God by first turning to Him, sharing our complaints and emotions, asking our questions and then choosing to trust Him in the midst of them. This pattern can lead us from despair into hope as we wrestle with the emotions our trauma brings about.
2. Find safe places to share
It is so important in our trauma to have safe places to share our pain. Finding a counselor with whom we are comfortable to be honest with as well as engaging in a healthy, Biblical community can be part of the process God has for our healing.
3. Journal through the ups and downs
Writing can be a process that helps our brain shift from the emotions of the trauma and bring together the shattered pieces of our story. It can be an invaluable tool in processing our pain and help us to understand what is happening within us.
4. Get outside
Spending time in nature is a natural way to bring down our cortisol (stress hormone) levels. Engaging in grounding techniques such as noticing the sights, sounds, and smells in your environment can help you through a wave of emotion after your trauma.
If you find yourself on an emotional rollercoaster ride that you just can’t seem to get off of after experiencing a trauma, know that it is perfectly normal to feel a lot of things at once after pain. Sometimes merely acknowledging and expressing the feeling to God and others can help you move through it in the moment. If your emotions are causing you to think about harming yourself or if the intensity and the length of them seem to last a long time, reach out to a trusted counselor or friend. And remember, God is with you in whatever you are feeling and He is always willing to listen and walk with you through your pain.
“As for me, I call to God, and the Lord saves me.
Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress,
and he hears my voice.” (Psalms 55:16-17 NIV)
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